Thresher Maw? Think you mean thresher less
by Sparkopilite
Summary: A fight with a thresher, leaves Shepard revealing a little more than intended to her amused squadmates. ME1 based.
1. Chapter 1

The ground rumbling is the only warning the squad has before the thresher maw violently erupts from the ground beneath them. Tali and Ashley are thrown closer to the MAKO, while Shepard is wrapped around the wreckage she was examining seconds earlier. Shepard recovers quickly enough to dodge the first blast of acid, but is hit by the splash back. Reacting purely on instinct she popped all the clips on her armour watching it melt on the ground.

"Fuck!"

Luckily the communicator was attached to her ear, and she could instruct them to drive away. The maw mindlessly started tracking the larger target. Shepard rolls left grabbing her assault rifle, which is miraculously acid free. The Mako fires its main cannon, she winces as the shot goes wide.

"Hey Chief, you think maybe we should have taught Tali the controls?"

"Probably Skipper."

"No worries Chief, just make for those hills. I got this."

Shepard sprints in firing at the eyes, with surprising accuracy. The HWMA X is spewing out incendiary rounds at an incredible rate. Time begins to blur as she ducks and dives around the maw. She winces as some acid catches her on the exposed thigh. All she can do is keep shooting and hope the beast dies in time for her to get medical help.

Another round thunders in from the MAKO this one actually hitting the thresher maw dragging its attention away from the unarmoured wounded Commander. It dives back underground emerging directly under the MAKO, Shepard watches as the vehicle is smashed apart. Tali and Ashley are thrown clear both of whom are still moving after they hit the ground, albeit sluggishly. Shepard snags a high ex grenade off her Gunnery Chief's back pitching it perfectly into the beasts mouth. Finally there is quiet.

"You look like a teenage boys wet dream."

The quiet doesn't last long. Shepard also concedes that Ash has a point. All she had under the armour was underwear so the medical interface can work more efficiently. She is standing in the desert wearing bra and panties. Oh and the sweat glistening off her perfect abs probably isn't helping the fantasy set up.

"Not yours Ash?"

Tali starts giggling. The young quarians giggles intensify as Ashley flips her Commanding Officer the bird, she learnt that hand symbol from the humans quickly.

"Screw you."

"Screw you ..."

"Ma'am. Now come here so I can check your leg. That looked like a nasty hit."

Ashley is astonished to find the thigh in question is barely damaged. "Shepard?"

"Yes Chief?" She is startled by the closeness of the Commanders voice. One hand is holding hers on the bare leg and her their lips are almost touching. Ashley panics and rolls backward making her feet clumsily. Looking closer she can see the hugely diluted pupils that indicate medi-gel overdose.

"You took your suits entire supply of Medi-gel before ditching it didn't you?"

"All the immunity too." She is grinning sloppily and tries to embrace Ashley again.

"Damn."

"I don't understand." Tali is watching the exchange with her head cocked to the side.

"Shepard is high as hell, we have no way to contact the Normandy and our only supplies are scattered around this plain."

"What about," Tali trails off and gestures towards Shepard who has managed to get her hand on Ashley's ass during the short conversation.

"No." Shepard's hand is slapped away, "Well to be perfectly honest I have no idea. At most all the overdoses should do is lower inhibitions. Ohh." She steps away again. "Damn."

Tali is giggling again.

Ashley has managed to scavenge a singlet and cargo pants from MAKO wreckage for Shepard. Currently the Commander and Tali are picking through electronic trash for usable parts for fixing a communicator.

"So Shepard I was unaware your people had markings like that."

"Oh it's a not natural marking, that is a gang tattoo."

Ashley sneaks closer to hear the story, but makes sure to stay out of groping range.

"A gang tattoo? I had heard that those were generally for degenerates."

"Oh they are. But check this out." Shepard shifts the back of her singlet to expose a dirty brand.

"Keelah that looks painful."

"Yea it was. Stupid bloody slavers." She looks sad for a second, "But I managed to get myself sold for being too hard to deal with so all good yea?"

At the touch of Ashley's fingers on the ridged slavers brand, she spins instantly happy.

"Oh Ash, I love you too." The hand is jerked back as though it was on fire.

"Noo, I just wanted to know why you have what looks like a Reds' tat, a slaver brand and somehow managed to join the Alliance by 18."

"I think I was 17, maybe. But yea. I'm awesome which is why when we get back to the Normandy you should totally think about moving into my cabin."

Tali starts giggling again, "She has a bit of a one track mind doesn't she."

"We are going to sit in this shade while Tali gets some kind of communicator working. So why don't you sit on the other side of her, no the other side and tell my why you were in a gang."

Shepard leans against one of the tires with her legs splayed in front of her. "Well they feed me, mostly. And taught me where I could sleep without freezing to death in the winter." Without her usual heavy armour Shepard looks smaller and more vulnerable than normal.

"Shep?"

"Yea, so maybe I stole and shit, but I quit after they got in a pitched fight with the Cops. I didn't really mind killing other gang members, or street orphans or yea. Just not cops."

"What age did you join?"

"So I didn't really join as much as they found me in a bin and used me to get sympathy food. I guess it doesn't matter because the Police didn't mind shooting a 14 girl when they raided the headquarters I was sleeping in. I managed to stagger to the local space port and get an Alliance ship to land on me."

She leans back and smiles, "That's when I met Dr Chakwas. She patched me up and dumped me on Mindoir. I guess you could kinda say she way like a mother figure. I got like some fluffy white things to watch and the colonist taught me to read. It was a good deal."

"Wait are you telling me that you were actually a Shepard? Is that where your name came from seriously?"

"No I just watched the fluffy white things and stopped the varren from eating them."

Tali and Ashley are laughing their heads off now. Shepard's story had gone from tragic to hilarious.

"Shep, the fluffy white things are sheep. You herded sheep, as in a sheep herder. Hence Shepard."

"Damn it. Fuck you guys, you don't get the rest of the story."

Shepard crosses her arms and sulks, Ashley leans past Tali to rub her shoulder, "Aww don't worry Skipper, you are so high you probably won't remember this."

Night has fallen by the time Tali has communications to the Normandy up. Shepard is sleeping on the ground having finally crashed. As the ship lands Ashley finds herself unable to wake the Commander, she sighs and lifts her bridal style to carry her in. After checking with Chakwas Ash tucks Shepard into her own bed in the Captain's cabin.

"Stay?" The hand on her wrist has none of brash attention it had earlier in the day, coupled with the near pathetic look Shepard gives her Ash feels means just pushing it away.

"Not tonight Skip."


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard's bare feet are pounding up the stairs and muscle memory carries her all the way to the flight deck before she fully wakens. Years of ship board living have not been wasted.

"Joker, status report now!"

He goes visibly pale, turning on the alarm in her quarters seems much less funny with a furious Shepard breathing down his neck than when Chakwas suggested it in the mess over breakfast. He sits silently, the complete lack of warnings on the flight console indicates no emergencies.

"Well?"

"Chakwas suggested that the best way to check for impaired reflexes would be to..." He trails off as her dirty fingers grip the back of his shitty polymer chair. Joker is unwilling to complete the sentence as he knows his CO could easily break half the bones in his body with a single slap. Hell she killed a thresher maw on foot yesterday, he can smell the grime and dirt on her as she breathes down the back of his neck.

The tension in the enclosed room melts as Shepard laughs. "Now that's just sad Joker, not only did you not think of it, you don't even have the balls to pretend it was your prank."

"What?"

"Seriously? With the amount of medical treatment you have had in your life I would have thought you would have been in on that joke."

A look of understanding dawns on his face, "Aw dammit Chakwas, I would have set up cameras."

The pace Shepard sets on the way back down to the mess is a lot slower. Now fully awake the metal floor is cold on her feet and the artificial lighting hurts her eyes. Though from previous hangovers the great Commander Shepard knows that any light can do that trick. She wonders about the level of Immunity left in her blood stream and decides that she is probably still technically under the influence. Excellent, she smiles and keys the com in the mess, "XO Pressley, you are to maintain command for the next 24 hour cycle."

With that minor task behind her Shep turns to the far more important task of burnt toast and powdered eggs. The first mouthful is great, but Shepard can see Dr Chakwas about to leave the med bay, not at all in the mood for interruptions or inspections she grabs her plate and sneaks into the elevator. The cargo bay has more activity than usual with Tali and Garrus stripping the MAKO wreck for parts. Ashley is listening to Tali squawk her shock over surviving yesterday with a smile on her face.

"Keelah, the controls were gone before the second hit we took. I didn't even notice any difference in the driving than normal."

Ashley starts snickering, "I am reasonably sure the Commander has never even picked up the manual for it."

"You are damn right Soldier, reading is for losers." All heads whip towards her, two looking slightly chastened for talking about their CO behind her back, the krogan looking amused at his squad mates being caught and Tali could be poking her tongue out for all she knew.

"I, what?" The Gunnery Chief is shocked at the joking statement being confirmed, "How are you allowed to drive it?"

"Under Alliance regs I'm not. I just yell spectre authority and all my problems go away, it's pretty neat." Shepard grins and sits on the removed MAKO seats. She shuffles a little before digging back into her rapidly cooling breakfast.

Activity resumes with quiet conversation as Shepard finishes her breakfast.

"Shepard."

"Wrex."

"A maw on foot Shepard, that would have been impressive without the vehicle support." She places the plate to the side and stands with a stumble. Yep still slightly high.

"It's impressive as fuck you old dinosaur. They ran for the hills." She pokes him in the chest and he rumbles with laughter.

"I killed a maw on foot during my rite. No vehicle artillery for me."

"Bet you had armour, you lazy cheat." Shepard and Wrex are toe to toe, glaring. "There is only one way to settle this." Wrex returns to his corner to remove his armour.

As Shepard reaches the MAKO she is bombarded with questions, enquiring everything from her sanity, the rules and the stakes.

"Winner gets a kiss from Ashley?"

"NO."

"Did not see you behind me there Chief. Wrap my hands for me would you?" As Ashley wraps her hands tightly Shepard leans in to whisper in her ear. "I, uh just wanted to say thanks. For last night I mean, I hate waking up in the med bay. And um, it was really sweet the way you tucked me into bed."

"Shepard, are you blushing?" She moves on to the left wrist.

"No, fuck you soldier. But seriously no one has ever done that for me before. So thanks."

"Aww, well that is you already to get pulped by Wrex. But hey win and I might give you that kiss."

"Really?" A hopeful glint enters the Commander's eye and Ashley knows she made a mistake. Shepard is high, sleep deprived and on her best day hand to hand with a Krogan Battlemaster is suicidal. Yet for a maybe she will not tap out.

The fight ended with red and orange blood liberally splattered all over the cargo bay. Liara had Wrex in a lift while Kaidan held a dazed Shepard in a Stasis field.

"I think you both need to visit Chakwas, and next time inform the crew of any friendly 'competitions' before Pressly has to order biotic riot control." Kaidan always seemed to be the voice of reason.

One hour later an incredibly bruised and sheepish Shepard returns to the cargo bay. She ignores Garrus and Tali's laughter, refuses to talk to a fully healed Wrex and taps Ashley on the shoulder.

"Did that count as winning?"

Ashley looks at the split and swollen face in front of her. Shepard's eyes are big and hopeful.

"No, not at all."

AN - Not trying to force reviews, but I like them and the positive re-enforcement they provide, any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Chief, got a challenge for you." Shepard dumps three large boxes on Ashley's workstation. "I want you to help me combine then fit a Heavy/Medium set then use the left over plates to pump up the protection on Liara's shitty light armour."

The light armour is deposited on the ground as Ashley checks what she is working with, "Aite, so we have Elkoss Combine for the heavy plates, good choice Skip, did you want to start removing them from the mesh?" She is talking mostly to herself as she considers the challenge presented to her. Even in the harsh light her eyes are glowing happily and Shepard has to stop herself from staring as the Gunnery Chief bends over the table to open the medium armour box. "I don't recognise this stuff Shep what is it?"

Shepard tears her eyes away from the tightly presented ass, damn it she really needs to get more professional she can't afford to let her emotions slip like the last few days. "Uh it's Spectre grade. Hence the lack of branding. Can we use it as the mesh attaching the Elkoss plates giving a stronger set of armour with less movement restriction?"

"I can't see why not, just leave this here and I'll call you for the fitting in a few hours."

The Commander starts going through the away teams' lockers distributing armour and weapon mods where needed; the best shield upgrades on the market for Kaidan with a note added to see Chakwas for an upgraded amp, some weapon mods for Wrex and Garrus, Ashley gets the spare heavy assassin armour they 'liberated' from Lunar Base, Liara will be covered with the heavier plates from the Spectre armour added to hers. At Tali's locker she pauses, unlike everyone else her armour hasn't been upgraded ever. They do have a Mark X set of quarian armour also 'liberated' from a mission but the health risk is huge.

"Shepard a word if you will." Garrus is standing next to the shiny new MAKO his blue armour reflecting off its brilliant sheen, she has an internal chuckle that won't last long.

"What's on your mind Vakarian?"

He lifts the discarded box, "I had been wondering who had developed Spectre grade armour for humans so quickly, then I saw this." He waves a talon at T. Vasir marked clearly on the packaging.

"Oops." Shepard grins and shrugs, "Nice observational work Officer."

_- I'm calling in that favour._

_ -It's been ten of your years. I thought you would be dead by now._

_ -Well I'm not. Time to pay up._

_ -I will NOT facilitate abuse of a young Quarian on pilgrimage._

_ -You have no choice._

_ -Never, you pyjak scum._

_ -Again you have no choice, remember I am a good enforcer. But if it will make you feel better I am now an alliance officer looking to upgrade a friend's armour with no clean room._

_ -Sending the formula now._

The armour fits suspiciously snugly, a near perfect fit in fact maybe Ashley had been paying nearly as much attention to her figure as... no best not to continue that train of thought.

"Not bad huh Skipper."

"Can you loosen this up Williams?"

Ashley eyes her CO askance, "Is that not a perfect fit?"

"Well it's textbook perfect." She trails off and looks at Ashley's feet.

"But..."

"Ever since basic my armour has been loosened to prevent messing with my back, fucking Batarians."

"Ah." Ashley honestly hadn't noticed the scars in the desert.

"Yea. But if it makes you feel better we can get Tali high so we can fix her armour."

Ashley looks concerned as she has come to view the young quarian as a sister figure to be protected. "Shepard!"

"What? No. You're the only one for me babe." It's accompanied by a exaggerated wink to show the Commander is at least partially joking, "It's also the only way I know of to get her out of the suit without killing her."

Ashley rolls her eyes while reclining on the bench. She can still see faint orange and now brownish stains dotting the cargo bay. The last few days have been a real eye opener about the 'Hero of Humanity'.

"Should I even ask?"

"Honestly? No."

AN - Sorry, it's not even a RL excuse, I'm just super lazy. Enjoy, review if it pleases you. Or not.


End file.
